Is Trying lying And are you truly committed to your New Years resolutions

Is Trying lying And are you truly committed to your New Years resolutions A good friend of mine recently sent me his New Year’s resolutions: #1    Be here now. #2    Keep it real. #3    Try to answer e-mail promptly. I was taken aback by #3.   First, it was the only one that required specific action, and I wondered why he would choose returning e-mails above all the other important actions to take in this world, and over a more general commitment to â€Å"Keep in close and regular contact with people important to me† or â€Å"Take action quickly on items of importance.† Even more than that, however, I was struck by the insertion of the word â€Å"Try.† Is Trying Lying? I have spent the last 10 years or so reducing the incidence of the word â€Å"try† in my spoken and written communications.   In a women’s empowerment program I was taught, â€Å"Trying is lying.† In a completely different seminar, the instructor had someone hold a tissue box in the air and said, â€Å"Try to drop the tissue box.† The person dropped the tissue box, and was met with, â€Å"No, you just dropped the tissue box. I told you to try to drop the tissue box.†Ã‚   In another seminar, a different instructor did the same exercise, asking a participant to â€Å"Try to pick up that chair.†Ã‚   Trying to pick it up looked like holding on to the chair and pretending to pick it up but not actually doing it. â€Å"Trying† to do something, as illustrated in these examples, is as good as not doing the thing at all.   You’re not doing it, and you’re not not doing it.   Trying leaves you in an in-between place that, in my understanding, is ultimately powerless and ineffective. Excuses, Excuses We as human beings often use trying as an excuse.   Have you gotten that project done?   â€Å"No†¦ but I tried!   I just kept getting distracted.†Ã‚   Have you lost the weight you said you would?   â€Å"No†¦Ã‚   but I tried.†Ã‚   Why isn’t your relationship going the way you want it to?   â€Å"I don’t know†¦Ã‚   I’m trying so hard to make it work.†   We say things like â€Å"I’ll try to be there on time† so that if we’re not on time we haven’t broken a promise.   We human beings are so sneaky! Ultimately, a choice is required.   Either you do it or you don’t.   If you don’t do it, I believe the most powerful stance is to take responsibility that you didn’t do it.   If you’re still committed to a result, then do something else that works to get that result.   As another wise person pointed out, the way to attain any goal in life is to keep taking action until you achieve it.   Sounds so simple doesn’t it? Compassion is Key My New Year’s resolution friend disagreed with my take on trying.   He wrote, â€Å"I affirm the importance of stating, ‘I will try.’   Its like saying, ‘I intend.’   It sends a message to myself and others about how I am organizing my spiritual energies.†Ã‚   When I asked why he didn’t write â€Å"Try† for his other resolutions, he responded, â€Å"†¦ Its the only one of the three that doesnt come to me naturally.   So I must try harder.   :-)†Ã‚   (He also mentioned that if following #3 were to contradict #1 and/or #2, he would choose not to follow #3.   We have all seen the negative consequences of impulsive or compulsive e-mailing!) I understand the value of compassion, and I understand that we sometimes go through stages in our level of commitment to a goal.   Perhaps a gentle entry (like a promise to â€Å"try†) can be useful for taking on promises we don’t know if we will keep.   Certainly, if we don’t meet one of our promises, it doesn’t help to beat ourselves up about it.   Using the word â€Å"try† lets us succeed even when we fail.   But can’t we have compassion even if we frame our promises as absolute?   If I resolve to â€Å"answer e-mail promptly† instead of to â€Å"try† to do so, and then I don’t answer promptly, I might be empowered by acknowledging that I didn’t do it, looking at why I didn’t do it, and, if appropriate, making a new promise or doing it a different way next time.   To me, that’s â€Å"keeping it real.† Honesty The Best Policy New Year’s resolutions are notoriously not kept, and I wonder if the reason is that people put a silent, implied â€Å"Try† before every one of them.   If we truly resolve to do something, rather than to try to do it, we live a more powerful life and one where results will show up with more reliability. At least my friend put â€Å"try† where it could be seen, instead of pretending something was true that was not.   A straightforward acknowledgement of one’s tendency toward fallibility might be more powerful than having â€Å"trying† live in the unsaid.   At least with an honest promise, there’s room to grow.   In the end, we must each choose the language and intention that work for us, in service of living up to our greatest promises and resolutions. Category:Life and LeadershipBy Brenda BernsteinJanuary 9, 2012 6 Comments Ann says: January 10, 2012 at 9:41 am I think the word try is related to the word willing. I know that I am willing to do something, but that I may not get it done. Then I work at it again being willing to succeed. Usually I reserve willing for those great big promises where I hope that every time I fail, at least in my heart I was on the right road and that I am willing to keep working at it. I admit I failed. Being willing doesnt excuse me from admitting that. But I keep the intent. Log in to Reply The Essay Expert says: January 10, 2012 at 11:25 am Thank you Ann. So often people make resolutions but are not actually willing to follow through on them! Willingness seems to be a necessary foundation for carrying through on any promise. If we are not willing, we will not do it. Log in to Reply The Essay Expert says: January 10, 2012 at 11:43 am Yoda is a wise dude! Log in to Reply Fadl Isa says: January 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm Thanks for reminding me of the quote! Log in to Reply Penelope J. says: January 10, 2012 at 1:44 pm Youre right. Trying do something is not the same as an intention. However, rather than lying, the word trying weakens a resolution and leaves a loophole. Ill try to lose weight if I can/if the stars are aligned in my favor/if it isnt too hard/if I dont have too many temptations/if things go well for me, etc. That said, better to try to have a goal or a resolution than to have none at all. At least, theres an awareness that something has to be done. Log in to Reply The Essay Expert says: January 10, 2012 at 2:24 pm Yes, trying leaves room for a lot of if statements! Seems like were aligned on this one 🙂 Log in to Reply